The Truth about the Coronavirus
Written by a friend
18 July 2020
This coronavirus is the strangest virus I’ve ever heard of. It is very dangerous in the way it spreads. It is so mysterious the way it lurks in schools, but then dies at Home Depot. It can wreak havoc in Churches; praying people are exceptionally vulnerable! Although it is mind-boggling how it vanishes when people stand close together holding signs, destroying businesses, homes, property, monuments, etc. Yet, standing to watch a marathon or a concert triggers it’s wrath. It is sneaky. It can spread when buying clothes at Kohl’s but not at Target. It is non-alcoholic. It can’t spread when you are buying beer. It lives for two days on Amazon boxes, but you must wait 48 hours to touch them but it can’t survive on Dunkin Donuts coffee cups, so enjoying a hot cup of joe is safe. It is the most curious thing, how it lives on basketballs, baseball bats and ballet bars, but dies on WWE ropes and Walmart shopping carts. It is spread by hair stylists, dog groomers, and dentists, but not by bank tellers, cashiers, and fast food workers. It’s so smart. It won’t bother the first 10 people gathered but it knows when the 11th person shows up, so be careful if that’s you! It even knows what you want vs what you need. If you want a massage or your nails done it is very actively on the prowl and not even a mask can stop it, but if you need a plumber, it is weak, and a mask will keep it away. It also seems to be dangerous after 5:30 PM so businesses must start to close before the virus comes out of hiding and wreaks havoc upon the populations. It also requires dine-in restaurants to have a shorter menu and you have to use real plates but only plastic forks and spoons. Whoever heard of such a clever, sneaky virus?!? It has a 99.9% survival rate, but vaccines will be mandated to protect you.
I also find it weird how quickly Zoom and Microsoft Teams just appeared magically to save the day at the same time.